| i've seen. |
[02 Nov 2007|02:33pm] |
Once - I was fortunate enough to catch this movie while it played in El Paso, which was not very long at all. In fact, there were only a few other people in the theatre for this movie. I initially wanted to watch this movie because it took place in Ireland and I love movies that take place in other countries. I was really pleased to find that it was a movie about making music. I liked the music so much.
Let me see if I can get this straight - the movie stars a guy and a girl who are not even actors in real life, they are musicians. In the movie, they meet and make/record music together. In real life, they actually fell in love and now they tour, playing the songs that were made in the movie. The guy was the singer for the band, The Frames. I ended up purchasing the soundtrack to this movie, and it is really good. My favorite part of this movie was when they recorded "When Your Mind's Made Up" at a recording studio. It was so moving. This was such a darling movie. It will always be one of my favorites.
The Darjeeling Limited - true Wes Anderson style! I LOVED this movie. I love this director. I really like that he uses a lot of the same actors in his movies. Even Bill Murray and Kumar Pallana (Pagoda, from Tenenbaums) were in this movie and they really didn't even have parts in it. So this is the movie about Owen Wilson running around in India with Adrien Brody and Jason Schwartzman. It was a visual treat. I like that his characters are so specific and quirky. I also loved the bright colors in this film and the stylistic shots. I won't get tired of watching this movie over and over. Again, there weren't many people at this movie, which was a Friday, opening nite. So sad that people here don't really support these types of films. I think they are missing out!
Shiny Toy Guns/Yellowcard - I took Vivi to see one of her favorite bands, Shiny Toy Guns at the Abraham Chavez. They are a cute band and they rocked out. I'm not a Yellow card fan at all, but they were fun to see. One of the guys jumped around with a fiddle or violin for most of the show so it was entertaining. They played for DAYS though. Vivi started to fall asleep so we left before they were even done. The bands were opening for Blue October (who I don't even like). And I wasn't really planning on seeing them anyway. Plus it was a school nite, so I didn't mind leaving early. And yes I am a cool mom.
Bukowski - Born Into It, a documentary about the life of Bukowski. It had a lot of interviews from friends and footage on his readings and partyin with his women. I liked the interviews in which he talked about his own past and told stories about himself. He was such a character. I can see how people could get offended by his lifestyle or writings, but I didn't take it that way at all. To me, he seemed really lost and hurt and bitter. And he was just keepin it real. His way of life and writing style just reflected that. I still haven't read much by him, but I really love this poem that came out at the end of the doc:
BLUEBIRD
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's in there.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do you?
|
|
| me and the homeless lady. |
[21 Aug 2007|03:09pm] |
Today I stepped out for lunch at work to get something to eat. I ordered three cookies (double chocolate chip, macadamia nut, and chocolate chip) to give to the homeless lady who sometimes sits on the bench outside of the building I work in. She was already gathering her belongings as I was waiting across the street for the DON'T WALK light to change. I watched her stuff her faded Toy Story blanket into a big black trash bag and wait at the other side of the street for the light to change. We crossed the street at the same time. As she was coming towards me, I held out the bag and asked her if she wanted some cookies. She talks to herself in a little girl voice sometimes. She was saying something about a cemetery. She snatched the bag of cookies out of my hand quickly and kept walking and talking in her little girl voice. She didn't look up at me or say anything at all. (This was just an observation, I certainly wasn't giving her cookies to get thanks.)
The other day as I passed her on my way to the parking garage after work, I held out a dollar and asked her if she needed some money. Again, she snatched it up quickly without a look or a word. She left her faded Toy Story blanket and her pile of belongings there by the bench and walked right through the busy intersection and DON'T WALK lights with the dollar in her hand. I thought she was heading for the snack cart at the corner that sells chips and sodas...but she kept walking further, past JC Penney, to the dollar stores at the end of the block. I tried to catch up with her to see what she would buy with the dollar I gave her, but I fell behind at the DON'T WALK light and lost her.
One morning, when I was coming into work, I saw her sitting in the same area. She was pretending to hold a remote in her hand and it looked like she was watching a pretend tv, going through the motions of changing the channels with her invisible remote. I slowed my pace down as I was walking past her to see if I could gather anything of what she was saying. She was talking in her little girl voice and was very animated, saying something about cupcakes. She was trying to explain what to do with them...something about frosting...kind of like a cooking show. She was completely oblivious to anyone around her.
Another time, I saw her stopping a lady from throwing food away at a corner trash bin. She made a big deal about taking the food out of the food container the lady was throwing away and dumping it onto a piece of cardboard she had. She wasn't really talking to the lady, she was just grunting and motioning. I wonder what else she does besides walk around with her belongings downtown, talking to herself. Although she smells strongly of urine, she doesn't seem too miserable at all.
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|
| these days. |
[15 Jun 2007|03:02pm] |
Phoenix (for Modest Mouse with Windy):
Upon my arrival, I was greeted with homemade vegan banana nut bread and carrot cake at Windy's. Both were supreme.
We had lunch at the next day at International Vegetarian House (Chinese Buddhist food). I think I ordered the Moo Goo Gai Pan there. It was good. Vivi had a sort of breaded mock chicken on a bed of shredded cabbage with brown sauce. That was excellent. We also tried the spring rolls.
I really wanted to try the food at Green (All-Vegan restaurant). Since the show was at 630, we stopped by to get some food to go for after the show. While we were waiting for our pizza order, I couldn't help but sample the vegan buffalo wings and some sort of coffee ice cream blended with some other treats. Everything we had from there was awesome.
The show was pretty good. We sat stage left on the grass, as the crowd was jam packed, wild, and sweaty. I think it was better to watch the show from the side - comfortably on the grass, instead of battling the pit of Mousers smashed into each other with teenage petite girls crowd surfing, barefoot. I was more excited at the fact that I was watching Johnny Marr perform than I was at seeing Modest Mouse. He was a doll. So it was a good show. And the band had DOUBLE DRUMMERS (2 guys on 2 seperate drum sets). Need I say more.
There was a major set back on the drive back from Phoenix on that Sunday evening. I was stranded on the road in the middle of nowhere for a few hours in New Mexico, but luckily I had phone signal (though not much battery) and the car rental place sent a tow truck out. We got home safely, but it was a horrible experience.
Austin (to pick up my car):
I learned that the whole flying alone/airport experience is far too emotional for me. I sat at my gate, people-watching for about and hour as I waited for my flight. Just watching people coming and going and interacting was somewhat touching. I don't know why I'm so sensitive. Even commercials make me cry. I didn't sit there crying or anything, but I could feel the lump in throat and a tingle in my heart. Nick picked me up at the airport in Austin and we went straight to Magnolia's (24 hour cafe with vegan options). I had portabello fajitas which were very hearty not bad at all. It was the weekend of a huge bike run there in Austin, so there were literally HUNDREDS of bikes parked on 6th and a lot of the streets were blocked off.
The next day, we went to Mr. Natural (Vegetarian Mexican/Bakery) so I could pick up some vegan pan dulce to bring back. I had the enchilada rancero plate and potato salad there. The enchiladas were fair, but the potato salad was really good. We went to the movies after that. Ten questions for the Dalai Lama was showing and I wanted to see that. It was a good documentary. I enjoyed the images of the people in it and seeing India. I'm not all into the Dalai Lama, but it was interesting to learn about his history and Tibet. He seems to have a really positive, peaceful personality/outlook even though he's kinda bratty at times and eats meat. We stopped at Ikea to wander around on the way back to Nick's and I picked up a vegan chicken bowl at Veggie Heaven for dinner that evening. I decided that I didn't want to go out that nite - since I had to drive home the next morning. So I stayed at Nick's and played Literati instead. Before the drive back home the next morning, I drove to Mother's (vegetarian restaurant) for breakfast. When I got there, I found that it had closed down. So I went to the Wheatsville Co-op and got 2 vegan burritos (potato/bean and potato/veggie sausage) with a soy coffee. I also picked up some TINGS and vegan cornbread there. I ate at the tables outside of the store and then made my way back home. I'm not very fond of driving, so doing the 8-hour trip alone was kind of annoying. I also had to drive through a storm. This time however, I made it back with no malfunctions. And now I have a new red '06 XB! So it's not brand new, but it's a cool ride and I like it a lot. I actually have a CD PLAYER now. (The Saturn still had its factory stereo with a broken cassette player and busted.) I have a car payment now, but I think it's worth it. I would have kept the Saturn, but it just wasn't reliable anymore.
Las Cruces (for dinner at Taste of India):
Ricky wanted to go out to eat last Saturday, so I decided on taking a short road trip to Las Cruces. We drove through the back roads, through Stalhman's Pecan Farm. It was a really nice drive. The trees hover over the road on both sides and the sunlight comes in and out of all the branches. There weren't many people in the restaurant. We had vegetable pakoras, basmati rice, and garlic naan bread. Vivi and I shared a potato and pea dish and Ricky ordered a spicy mushroom dish. Everything was really good. I wish more people would go to places like that instead of lining up and piling into chains like Applebee's or fast food places. There were only 3 other parties eating there. After dinner, we went to Hastings. I bought 3 used dvds to try out on my fancy new tv and hd dvd player. For $16, I bought Get Well Soon (Vincent Gallo), The King (Gael Garcia Bernal), and Amor Es Perros (also with Gael, but it was to replace the one Ricky let me borrow that turned out missing somehow). We also went to the Co-op there for some groceries...organic produce and vegan JERKY.
Last Wednesday (Chrispy's birthday):
I went out with Jon, Ricky, and Chrispy to celebrate. We went out to see some Karoake. Chrispy and I ended up doing two songs...Creep by Radiohead and How Soon is Now by the Smiths. Then we went to Dedo for a bit. Oh yeah, and when I picked up Ricky he gave me a bag of TINGS that he got me when he ordered some stuff online.
Today (at work):
Work is going fine. I love working downtown. I'm on the 8th floor and I love the view. I would really like to take some pictures of the city from up here. You can even see the bridge to go over to Mexico. I get to walk though downtown all the time (the parking garage is a few blocks away) and I see some really interesting things. I've starting filming (holding up my digital camera in record mode whilst walking) a bit, but I'm not sure what to do with my documentation yet. Today, my co-worker and I walked to Lumenbrite (Coffe/sandwhich shop) for lunch. I ordered an soy/coconut iced coffee and a marinated cucumber sandwich. I've made a few new friends and really like this company.
I am currently working on putting an end to my ongoing soda and french fry addiction. The progress is coming along slowly, but I'm still at it. Now that I'm settled into the new house and new job and it seems as if I've been able to maintain my finances, there is no reason for me to be eating so horribly. I'm still striving for mostly organic and raw.
Other than that, I havent' been out too much. I've hung out here and there...but mostly I just stay home and lounge around...and play too much Literati (Yahoo's version of Scrabble). Although there is still much to be desired (not as in materialism), I am happy in my life.
|
|
| how am i not myself. |
[19 Mar 2007|10:59am] |
so i am officially jobless again. my last day was wednesday. it's such a great feeling. i wish i never had to work. i don't understand how people can say that they would go crazy just staying at home all day. i like it. i still have so much to do. it's at the point where i don't even know where to start. i guess i'll get things done eventually.
jonathan and ricky called me on wednesday and i stopped at the coffee shoppe to hang out with them late at nite. we listened to the new kings of leon (good) and talked about jesus camp (unbelievable). we moved inside when it became too chilly. i dozed off while we were sitting at one of the tables inside. i woke out of my half nap exclaiming, "jon, all you care about are indians." and we couldn't stop laughing. we are supposed to hang out again tonite. i'm kinda tired from going out so much lately. but i don't get to hang out with them as much anymore so i really want to go. i think some sort of drunken karoake is in the plans, but i'm sure we will end up at some obscure location, or somewhere out in the desert, or back at the shoppe instead. i think there will be too much st patrick's day action going on tonite...boring.
on thursday, windy and i started at a japanese restaurant on the west side for some plum wine. then we went to the toolbox for another drink. we ended up at dedo. windy and i shared some absinthe. the rest of the nite was a blur, but i remember having bad dreams that nite. i had a horrible dream. it kind of turned me off to trying having absinthe again.
so moz will be here in may...if the tour doesn't get rescheduled and some dates cancelled as usual. i'm not as much into him as i used to be...but i will definetly see him again. i might go to the phoenix show with windy, too. i will be working again by then...so i'm not sure what my life will be like at that time.
i wanted to get out of town next week, but i don't think it's going to happen. i have too much to do around the house. i don't know what to do with my stuff. i don't know what to keep and what to get rid of. i don't know if i want to save all the memories that i have boxed up or not. i really wanted to take ricky on a road trip for his birthday in a few weeks...but i don't want to bring it up and try to plan something and be disappointed when things fall thru. last year, i bought all this stuff to make him a birthday dinner, and he wasn't really responsive to making plans, so it never happened. i already hinted to him the other day that this exhibit he's been wanting to see in phoenix is going to be showing for a while and i that i saw the menu for this vegan restaurant there that looked really good...his first response was "JON, WE SHOULD GO." i know he's not intentionally trying to hurt my feelings or exclude me...i know how he is now. i try not to take it personally, but i can't help but feel disappointed.
|
|
| pancakes. |
[06 Mar 2007|11:04pm] |
ricky invited me over for breakfast last week before i went into work. he made vegan pancakes (from scratch) with soy butter and organic syrup. they were great. i haven't had pancakes in a few years. it was nice to be with him again. we really don't get to hang out anymore. the last time i saw him was when we went driving around with john a few weeks ago. we drove thru the anthony pass and stopped at the jerusalem grill for some falafel sanwiches and arabic sodas to go. i had pear soda. i forgot what kind the guys had. we had pistachio candy, too.
i'm still moving in. i only got my new furniture yesterday. a screw was missing so nothing is set up. everything is still a mess. i'm still living out of boxes and piles. the days seem to be going by faster and faster. i haven't been getting enough sleep, or waking up early enough. i have been having very long, vivid dreams again. every nite i fall into such a deep sleep. it's so hard to wake up out of them. i know i should try dream experimenting again, but by the time i get tucked in and close my eyes, i am too exhausted to set my mind to it.
i believe that what is intensifying my dreams are the nibbles of dark chocolate i've been having at nite. almost every time i have chocolate, i have such intense dreams. i need a new subject though. i don't want to use the same person from last time. it has to be someone i've seen, at least in pictures...but who i don't really know. it also helps if i am semi-obsessed with this person. i tried it once with alfonso and it worked that same nite. i was dreaming that we were outside on a sidewalk and this black girl was with us. she kissed him on the cheek in front of me and i got jealous and sad. ha, ha. oh, and i am not semi-obsessed with you, alfonso ;)
i have always wanted to do something against my will or unlike my normal behavior in my dream. i am always the same dorky me in my dreams, though. i really need to get a book on lucid dreaming. i've been reading a little online here and there. i'm reading about yoga/meditation currently. i wonder what effect meditation before sleep will have on dreaming.
i intend on watching the science of sleep over and over again.
must exercise, organize, and eat raw-er.
this coming sunday is juice fast day.
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| fast. |
[28 Feb 2007|08:02am] |
i can't help but notice how quickly my life is changing. it seems as if everyday something new is happening. we just moved into a great house and it looks like things are finally starting to come together. i know a lot of things still need to be worked out, but i am excited that things are moving along so nicely.
my brother just got in the organic seeds he ordered, so we are going to have our own organic garden soon. i can't wait. i think i am going to start raw again next week. we finally moved the fridge into the new house so it will be easier to plan. we were living out of a mini-fridge for the last few weeks so it's been hard. we are almost settled in so i can finally start up yoga again and hopefully i can stick to a walking program now that the weather is nice. i have almost gone down 2 sizes so i want to keep it up. (i'm not doing this entirely to attain a certain "size", but i am logging my results as i go.)
i think i might kick off going back to mostly raw with a one-day juice fast. it's something i've never really seriously considered. i have to do more reading up on it and learn more about fasting before i just jump into it. a day might not seem like much, but it might be a bigger challenge than i'm thinking. who knows...i've never tried it before, so we'll see. eventually, i'd like to do a juice fast at least once a week. i guess i have to try it first to see how it works for me. i would be juicing my own juice with organic fruits and vegetables. there are a lot of great combinations that i can't wait to try. i'm really craving raw food and fresh juice lately. so i hope march will be a good month for me. i know i have a lot of new changes coming up because i should be starting a new job soon, but i am going to try to keep striving for the balance i am looking for.
well it's almost spring so i've been getting inspired to take some pictures lately. maybe i'll have some new pictures to post soon. i think i'm finished hibernating for the winter.
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|
| one month later. |
[04 Feb 2007|12:42pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
broken social scene. |
] |
one month later.
Current mood: hopeful
i'm so raw-ed out...i almost don't want to even update about it. i had a raw food blog that i was using rather often, but i accidentally deleted all the enteries there.
so here's what i found out during my one-month-raw-diet-trial ...
i know i want to start eating a LOT more raw going forward. my goal was to be at 90% raw. i can say i did about 80% easily. i could have forced myself to do it...but with the way i discipline myself, it is always more effective if i ease into something rather than just jump in cold turkey. so that's what i'm going to do. i am going to incorporate eating raw into my already vegan and mostly organic diet until eventually i can be at 90%. honestly, eating raw is VERY difficult. even 80% is very, very challenging. i had few 100% raw days.
the routine i really liked was having fruit and fruit smoothies until lunch, having salads, nuts, or raw vegetables for lunch, and smaller cooked dinners with salad more as a staple than on the side. the reason for this is because vivi has started vegetarianism and it was so hard cooking something for her for dinner, then having to find something for me to eat also. then after dinner, i'd have to prepare her vegetarian lunch for the next day at school, and my raw lunch for the next day at work. not to mention all the chopping and peeling for all these meals, AND the temptation of having cooked food in my face and not being able to eat it.
so the temptation was really extreme. at first it was easy to just eat raw and not want cooked foods. but then it was boring eating the same way and the same foods everyday. plus, my brother moved back in (who eats vegan/organic, also) and was cooking it up all the time. so i started sampling his food and then eventually just started making dinner for all of us. i wish i could be at 90% already, but i'm not going to lie...i still enjoy cooked food and i'm not ready to give it up entirely just yet. who knows if i'll ever be at that point. it's a long-term goal...but right now, this happy medium works really well for me.
what was really surprising is that i enjoyed losing weight. i didn't really go raw just to lose weight, nor did i expect to lose so much weight so soon. so when i started to lose weight, i became obsessed with it. i lost 9 pounds in the first 2 weeks. i was on the scale everyday. i would be disappointed when i wasn't losing, and more encouraged when i would. i know that's not such a healthy attitude to go about it, but trust me, i'm not going to starve myself trying to be thin. i like eating and being satisfied, and i want to look and feel healthy. i lost about 13 pounds in a month and i am now at the lowest weight i've been since i've had vivi. i have always been comfortable with myself, but i feel good about losing weight and i would still like to lose more. i have stopped losing just recently, so i know i have to be cautious with what i eat and start walking/exercising again if i expect anything to happen.
my energy level didn't really change much. i felt a lot healthier and lighter, but that's about it. i didn't feel weak at all as a result of eating raw. and i noticed that when i did eat cooked food, i would get a lot fuller a lot faster than before. i always felt that i've had such an enormous appetite. i'm really glad that this happened. now i feel like i don't have to eat like a starving, wild animal to get satisfied. ocassionally i'll get extremely hungry and will start craving...but i know that this is to be expected. i've had a few binges which included large servings of popcorn. popcorn is my biggest weakness. i don't know if i'll ever be able to give it up. maybe i can do 90% raw and 10% popcorn?
as far as detoxing, i had a few minor episodes, but nothing extraordinary at all. i know that this was attributed to continuing to eat cooked food. after the first 2 weeks, i acquired a few large white heads, nothing like the small, hard ones i usually get. then i would get sharp headache pains that would come and go but only last a few minutes at a time. it was uncomfortable, but i welcomed these headaches, because i knew that something good was happening inside. i think the worst thing that happened was that towards the end, i noticed a metallic/chemical taste in my mouth. it wasn't bad breath, it was just the toxins that i've had inside all these years being released. i know all this might sound disgusting, but just imagine all the mess we have created within ourselves that needs to be released.
i was able to refrain from drinking alcohol. i did have some of mo's bloody mary one nite, but i was able to go out and enjoy myself and not feel the need to drink. i might try some organic wine, but other than that, i'm not sure if i'll continue not drinking. i've been going back and forth with this one. i just haven't decided where i want to go with it.
i think i did really good the whole month. i am proud of myself. i went from eating less than 20% raw to over 80%. i can't believe i've been vegan for all these years and i never really focused on eating raw. i would always eat a lot of vegetables, but cooked. i rarely ate salads because they weren't very satisfying. and instead of eating fresh fruit, i would always eat something more filling like bread, tostadas, or POPCORN. i think i ate more fruit in the month of january than in my entire lifetime. seriously.
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|
[04 Feb 2007|12:20pm] |
taken at the end of jan/07.
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|
[20 Jan 2007|11:10pm] |
we are finally moving.
i am trying to downsize.
why is it so hard to get
rid of all your junk?
i've been exploring the world of raw foodism.
it's so challenging. i am trying to eat mostly
raw this month to see how i do/how i like it.
i really like eating raw, but i don't know if
i can live the rest of my life this way. i am
still have having some cooked foods, but i have
eliminated fast food, soy, sodas, and sugar.
even though i have been vegan for years, i never
really ate fresh fruit or salads very often, so
this is a big change for me. it's even harder
to eat raw AND organic. the choices are very
limited. so far i've lost over ten pounds in
20 days. this is the lowest weight i've been
in over ten years. so i can't stop now.
although i read my friend's list every few days,
i always forget to update here. my last update
was in july, almost six months ago.
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|
| i've heard that you'll try anything twice. |
[26 Jul 2006|04:39pm] |
So yes, I am still enjoying the summer off. I'm sure I can take another few months off, but I'll probably start looking for a job at the end of next month. I'm almost sure I am going on a road trip sometime in August. I really want to go Six Flags to ride rollercoasters or to a really good show. And by really good I mean Bloc Party or Sufjan Stevens good. Then there is always the beach. I haven't been to San Diego since last year when we went to see Sigur Ros. So a trip to Ocean Beach is long overdue. I still want to move there for at least a year soon. Maybe for Vivi's 8th or 9th grade year. It has always been an idea in the back of my head, but I really started thinking about it more when she told me for the first time last week that she thinks she does want to live somewhere other than here because there's not a lot of stuff to do here. I've taken her on so many road trips and vacations that I guess she's starting to realize the rest of the world that's out there. So it's still just an idea, but I'd really love for her to experience a whole year at least out of El Paso.
Well 6th grade just started this week so I have to get up early during the week, but I it's not too bad because I can come home and lounge around again until three. I just wish school didn't start at 7:40 am. I have never been a morning person. Middle school is not what it used to be. Some of the girls in her grade wear make up and pluck their eyebrows and get highlights. I guess I'm kinda glad that Vivi isn't really into stuff like that right now. She is happy with a Lisa Frank lunchbox, Orchestra, and Math Club. She didn't even want new shoes for the new school year, just her same black converse from 5th grade. That's all she ever wants. Oh, and now she wants to take her lunch so I'm doing the vegan/organic thing for her. I'm sure it's a lot better than the junk the cafeteria gives them.
I have been trying to limit going out, but it seems that there is always something to do. My only concern is financial. I just don't want to waste too much right away. Me and my brother are still doing the flea market thing on Sunday and that is going alright. I've been ordering new toys every week and the more I invest, the more profit I make. It's not a huge investment or a huge profit, but it's enough to support my vegan/organic eating habbit...which is quite costly. So I have grocery spending money every Sunday and that's a good thing.
Well it turns out that I really like doing yoga. I really like all the stretching and I like how it makes my body feel. I need a lot of practice on a lot of the positions. But so far it's going good. I haven't done it in a few days and I can feel that my body needs the stretching. I know that I need to be strict with my walking schedule, but I know the way I am and if I force myself to do something, it just won't happen. I have to do it myself when I want to, then I will be successful at it. So I'll have to work on that.
I talked to Ricky for a long time on Sunday. He keeps bringing up Portland. I know it would be a great place to live, but I just don't think that I could make it through a winter up there. El Paso winters are harsh enough for me, so I just don't know how I'd make it there. I'm not a winter person at all. Maybe because I grew up in Germany and northern Virginia I've had my share of cold winters. I just don't like them. Today I met him for lunch for Indian food. The lunch buffet at India Palace is really good. I had been missing it since I stopped working and I'm not on the westside anymore. He gave three movies today--Thumsucker, What the Bleep do you Know, & Everything is Illuminated. So now I have some new movies to watch in my room instead of the same ones over and over. I'm sure I'll like them because he pretty much knows my taste in movies and stuff like that. He took an extra hour so we could drive up and down Mesa and sit and talk in the car for a while.
I don't really think about how things are with us or where they stand too much these days. It seems as if my lonliness is now more of a habit than anything else. I'm happy with myself and my life, I'm just waiting for the rest of it to fall into place.
So call or message me if you want to do free stuff. We can take pictures or go to the park or for a walk or something. Even if we don't hang out or talk much, I would like to get to know a lot of you better :)
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| the camera eye. |
[10 Jul 2006|06:59pm] |
with tina at the black market on saturday.
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| vegan potato salad. |
[23 Jun 2006|03:42pm] |
I use:
red potatoes
vegenaise
mustard
grated baby carrots
dill pickles
onion
sea salt
pepper
mix, chill, serve.
secret ingredients:
a dash of garlic powder
a splash of olive oil
all ingredients are organic, except for the vegenaise.
i haven't found an organic vegan mayo around here yet.
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| all things go. |
[25 Apr 2006|09:17pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sufjan stevens |
] |
(edit: I am blogging on myspace, friends only mostly. I still read my friend's list here, but sometimes I forget to copy the entries over. This is last Sunday's entry...)
I am currently obsessed with Sufjan (again). I love tracks 9 & 10 on Illinois and his eyes and hair especially. I've been listening to them over and over this weekend. I think he is extremely handsome and talented. I love it when guys wear ties. I can't believe Ricky and Jon met him.
I am very proud of my growing music list. It's so hard for me to listen to new music. I've always been like that. I like to hear the songs I know and sing along to them over and over. I am trying to listen to at least one or two new bands/artists a week. Last week I added Devendra Banhart, Denali, and The Mercury Program to my listening. I like it all, but I always go back to my favorite sing alongs...Bloc Party, Kings of Leon, and Modest Mouse. I sit in silence a lot. Music is very important to me, but I suppose I don't need it playing all of the time. I tend to get lost in my own thoughts quite often.
I attended the art show at Dedo last Thursday. Chrispy and I looked around for a bit and then we snuck outside to have Japanese food from the restaurant she works at on the trunk of my car. It was really good. We went back in when the lights were turned off and she left me to fend for myself in a dark corner upstairs, sober amongst the happy drinking people. I mingled a bit and then we left. The art wasn't really my type, but Mo's friend's photography was very neat.
I'm finding it hard to make new friends. I've made a few unsuccessful attempts and it's almost discouraging. I've been wanting to meet some new people, who I have things in common with...just to get to know them and maybe hang out. I've never really liked meeting new people and making new friends. It has always been kind of awkward for me. I know people are really busy and etc, but I am finally coming out of my shell! I guess I'm just longing for some type of companionship.
I have however, made some sort of progress with the cute guy from work as he let me look at all the tattoos on his arms and his back in someone's cube when no one was looking. I saw him looking into my eyes as I was doing so. I'm sure this will be the exent of our relationship, but it's actually the furthest I have been with anyone in quite some time. At any rate, he is moving soon and I don't like his fancy new black sports car, anyway. But he is still cute and I would gladly look down the back of his shirt again.
I've been inspired to start doing yoga. Alfonso was telling me about it last nite. I've never tried it, but I'm pretty sure I'll like it. I need to purchase a beginner video and get started soon. I hope I can stick to it.
I haven't heard from Ricky all week. I think I'll invite him Las Cruces next weekend and treat him to Indian food and finally make his (vegan) birthday brownies. I really miss spending time with him. I wish he wasn't so distant. I wish things had never ended up this way.
I've made a lot of mistakes, in my mind
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| you crush my burning lips like ashes. |
[11 Apr 2006|01:57am] |
I had a good bday weekend.
I wasn't expecting to have an adventure on my birthday, but we had one and it was so much fun. It was just like old times.
I was going to drop off Chrispy, come home, and go to sleep...but we ended up picking up jonathan and stopping by Ricky's to get my bday goodies. He got in the car and I drove to a nearby park and it was after park hours so we snuck into the playground gazebo with some drinks. We sat around for a bit and then went to the store where Chrispy and Jonathan loitered in the parking lot, smoking capri's. Then we were drinking and driving through central to look for the house that had the painting of the Virgin Mary with weird signs posted around it, but nothing was there anymore. We passed by Jonathan's coffee shoppe where Ricky littered in the alley. We decided to go to the Black Market and we had a drink outside. It was too posh for us so we left and dropped off Chrispy. We drove back to Ricky's, where Jonathan got down to use the bathroom in his back yard. Ricky went with me to drop Jonathan off and I snuck through his window to use the bathroom. Then I went back to Ricky's to drop him off. He stayed in the car a long time with me and he said some things to me that made me feel a lot better about how things have been going with us. I really want to make more of an effort to be close to him again. I know I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen between us and be sad because they do not or because he often has other plans. I just find that things don't fall into place as easily as they used to and I that gets me really disappointed. I hope this is a new beginning for us because I really missed him a lot.
I got home after 3am. I know our little criminal adventures are simple and juvenile, but that's what I love about them. I love being with my friends and laughing and doing the dorky things we do. We don't get to hang out anymore as much as we used to but it's still so much fun when we do.
The good old days: Ricky sitting around Jonathan's old art studio.
These are the days I miss the most.
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| last week. |
[05 Mar 2006|09:29pm] |
Last Tuesday, I ran into Ricky in the bulk aisle at Sun Harvest.
We shopped together. He walked me to my car and hugged me
so tight that my hair came out of the bobby pins. I told
him he was squishing me and he told me that it was because
he missed me a lot, and he hugged me even harder. I feel
so bad that we are not close anymore, but now that he has
his cool Guitar Center job and doesn't really make plans
with me or call me back these days it's hard to keep trying.
After that, I went out with Jake and Abel. We ended up
at Dedo. We danced a LOT. Mo danced with us, too.
It was really fun. I had a drink. I had to loosen up in
order to dance, and plus a really pretty girl bought it for me.
I was the designated driver.
I had dinner with Patc last week. We met at the park and
talked and then we went to the Mediterranean Restaurant.
I had cabbage rolls and pomegranate juice. Everytime I
see Patc I feel like playing Scrabble online. I don't know
if I'd ever have time sit down and finish a whole game, though.
Last nite, I met Bobby at the Playhouse. We saw Picasso At The Lapin Agile.
It was wonderful. We laughed the whole time. One of the lead
actors was in one of Bobby's movies. We had front row center.
I never sit there, but it wasn't too bad. The play made me want
to watch Surviving Picasso again. He was such a jerk.
My favorite lines from the play were:
You see there's a distinction between talent and genius. And it's not just that they are spelled completely different. Talent is the ability to say things well, but genius is the ability to, well, say things! Talent sells a million in a year, but genius sells five thousand a year for two hundred years. You have to work to have talent. But genius comes gift wrapped in a blue box from Tiffany's.
I used to use the phrase "Talent borrows, genius steals." a lot.
Morrissey stole it from Oscar Wilde. I stole it from Angel, who
was a great Oscar Wilde fan. Then it was stolen from me, so I don't
use it anymore.
After the show, we went to Jonathan's mother's coffee shoppe.
I had hot ginger peach tea and Bobby had blueberry cobbler.
Jon's mom gave us 3 free eclairs each (which I brought home
for the others). Then we went for a drive around downtown.
So I had an alright week.
Things are getting tough at work, but I'm hanging in there.
It's going to take a while to straighten out this team.
Everything's a mess, I don't even know where to start.
Hopefully, I'll see Jonathan and Chrispy this Thursday.
We made plans to go to the movies. It will be nice to see
those two again.
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| from the one you left behind. |
[27 Feb 2006|05:50am] |
I've been pretty happy lately.
There's not really a specific reason.
In fact, things are still very stagnant and unfullfilling.
I still dislike my job and pay rate and the long commute.
My social life is as defunct as ever.
I haven't had a relationship in so many years, that I've
actually lost count. I think it's going on 4 years now.
I could go on, but I really don't need to.
I'm just really at peace with everything at this time.
I've aged so much this last year.
I have grey hair all over, and I haven't decided if I
want to cover them up or not. I can't believe I'm going
to be 34 soon. There are still a lot of things that I
still want to do, and I don't feel as bad about getting
older anymore.
I've been dreaming more vividly and more than usual.
I like sleeping because of this. A few times, I have
been able to choose and "continue" certain dreams if
I wake up, especially when I get up to hit the snooze.
I also have several recurring dreams. Lately, they
have been of driving and looking for exits and missing
them and not being able to control the car I'm driving,
travelling to different places with my brother, Rick,
trying to look at something but not being able to see it
because I can't open my eyes wide enough, and of this
guy, Jason, who I don't even know in person.
I'm not really into dream interpretation and all of that,
but I like that I'm starting to be able to control my
dreams and I'm going to keep trying to continue dreams
where they left off if I wake up. I seem to have the
same dilemas in my recurring dreams, and I want to
try to overcome these obstacles in my dreams. I always
miss the exits and I can't control the car, and I never
have the strength to open my eyes to see what I'm trying
to look at.
Guadalupe was so wacky on the reunion show.
I got teary eyed when Nick left.
Santino can be a jerk, but I kinda like his style.
I don't know if I want him or Daniel to win.
I normally don't watch these type of shows, but I
can't wait until Wednesday. Vivi and I watch it together.
Well I decided not to go to Albuquerque, afterall.
I started to think of how odd things were in San Diego
and I told Ricky I decided not go. I felt bad because
he said he was looking forward to it, but then I told him
that I didn't think he'd have a good time with me
because things are so different now...and he said that
I outgrew him and our other friends. I'm not sure that's
exactly true, it just seems like I'm on a different
page than everyone else. I used to be so in sync
with everyone. I don't know why it's different now.
I still care about my friends a lot and I miss them...
but I really long to meet someone special who I can relate
to on a simple, natural level. I don't feel as if I've
intenionally pushed anyone away, I think we have just drifted
apart from each other. I don't really like that, but that's
just the way it's been lately.
So it's been another month and I'm still eating organic.
I don't even eat out as much as I had planned to. I've lost
15 pounds altogether. I'm looking forward starting to walk
soon. I have been feeling really healthy and I know this
will help so much more.
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| kissing the lipless. |
[05 Feb 2006|09:21am] |
|
So, it's been a month and I have not eaten fast food or drank sodas. I can't believe how
much better I feel. I never thought eating healthy would make such a difference. I
thought that giving up caffeine would be extremely hard and that I would be tired all
the time. I feel like a have a little more energy than before. I love all the good
organic vegan food I am cooking and eating.
I've lost over ten pounds in just a month and I wasn't even expecting that. I know that
might not be a LOT of weight to some people, but it is for me. I was stuck at my previous
weight for a long time so for me to see the scale finally move down was a surprise. I have
always been comfortable with my size and the way I look. I never wanted to lose weight
just to look skinny and I've never been pressured to feel that I need to lose weight to
fit in or so others would like me/date me. Even when I found and read a journal of someone
I was dating claiming that they were ashamed to be seen with me because of my weight,
it didn't make me want to lose weight. Sure, it traumatized me and made me feel horrible,
but only because someone who said they cared about me and wanted a future with me wrote
that stuff...but I really want someone who likes me for me.
Now I'm not saying it's healthy to let yourself go and get as fat as you want...but if you
are healthy and feel good about yourself, then that's what counts. I always told myself
that I was comfortable with who I am and if I want to lose weight, it will be when I want to
and how I want to and only because I want to do it for myself. Well I guess now is that time.
I'm looking forward to losing more weight and I like that I feel healthier because of it.
I know I'm doing it the healthy way instead of taking risky pills or shots.
Good grief, I don't have much else to declare. I really don't do much these days. I'm working
in HR again and I have to wake up early...so I don't really go out anymore. I've been hanging
out with Bobby and we'll go out to eat once a week and watch tv at his house. Sometimes I talk
to Ricky but he doesn't come over anymore like he used to. I miss him a lot and I still miss the
way things were with us before everything changed. I still long for that, but I suppose I'm
managing with the way things are. I stopped his house last week to drop off an Amy's burrito,
a vegan mint chocolate chip cookie, and some organic lip balm...but he just came out to get the
bag because I had to go home.
I went to Jonathan's mom's coffee shop the other day to visit Jonathan. It's a really cute place.
He did all the wall art there, and it is really good. He is a brillant and talented artist.
Maybe he'll let me post some pictures of it. Last nite I asked Ricky if he wanted to go with
me to Albuquerque sometime this month, just for the weekend. I can't ask for any vacation until
we are finished with this hiring season and I feel like I need to get out of town soon. I wanted
to go to Austin in March, too...but that may just have to be a weekend thing as well.
Maybe I'll get out more when it starts warming up. The nites are still chilly here. I dearly
miss all my friends and spending time with them. I miss Ricky a lot...and I miss Jonathan, Mo,
Dom, Patc, and Chrispy (even though she's mad that I don't call her). I even called Tina the
other day just to talk. I never thought I would drift so far apart from my friends. The truth
is, I am really lonely...I adore all my friends, but sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone
to relate to. I think I'm just getting older and I feel the need to settle down. I would be
happy with that.
I still haven't charged my camera batteries.
I can't stop listening to the shins.
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| green and blacks. |
[28 Jan 2006|10:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sufjan stevens. |
] |
Sun Harvest carries Green and Blacks organic chocolate bars. My favorite is the mint dark chocolate.
The back of the label reads, "Made in Italy" and "Suitable for vegetarians and vegans", and
it has the USDA Organic label on it. It is made with organic cane sugar. The cost is $3.39
for one candy bar. Target carries a few other flavors, but I'd rather buy it from Sun Harvest.
Chocolate is one of the things I miss the most so this is a nice treat to have every month or so.
greenandblacks.com
I found this on cascadianfarm.com :
What is organic food?
Organic food is grown by farmers who use farming methods that strive for a balance with nature.
Organic farmers focus on soil improvement and rely on biological systems to produce high quality
food and reduce environmental impact. The "organic" food label identifies food grown with practices that:
Don't use synthetic pesticides, herbicides and soil fumigants.
Don't use genetic engineering
Don't use sewage sludge as fertilizer
Do improve the quality and fertility of the soil
Do protect water quality
Do reduce soil erosion
Do rely on natural biological systems for pest and weed control
Do reduce the impact of agriculture on our environment
Do produce high quality, great tasting food
The part about genetic engineering and sewage sludge is pretty creepy.
I think learning about how food gets to your plate is interesting. It's unbelievable
that this is not really questioned by most. I've always questioned it since I was little.
I remember going grocery shopping and thinking how strange it was that farm animals
were killed and cut up and showcased on little styrofoam plates in the store so your
parents could buy them and take them home and cook them and feed them to you.
My dad always had the same answer for my questioning:
"If it wasn't good for you, they wouldn't sell it."
I'm still learning a lot about eating organic. I really want to read more about
GMO's (genetically modified organisms) and growth hormones, especially how it pertains
to food labeling. I'm going to log a lot of what I learn here so that I can reference it easily.
It's hard eating organic as a mother. I know I can't always be there to watch what
Vivi's eating, but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable that I'm making all these changes
to be healthier and she can't do the same. She has already made the decision to be
vegan once she is in high school because it will be easier for her then. She eats what
I eat when we are together, but when she is at school or with my parents, she can't
really do that. She knows why I'm vegan and what it's all about. She tells anyone
who will listen where their food came from and how she's going to be vegan. The boys
in her Math Club called her "Veggie Girl" so much that the teacher had to tell them to
quit teasing her. We both thought that was funny. She even told one of her friends at
school all about veganism and now she wants to make the change, too. This friend of
hers called us once to let us know there was a vegan cooking show on tv and once to ask
which fast food fries are vegan. They even had "Let's be vegetarians at school for 2 days
in a row" with about 6 other girls. They all ate grilled cheese sandwiches and salads for
lunch. The reason they only did it at school only was because they didn't think their parents
would understand.
I want to start taking pictures again. I was looking through my old photobucket and
although some of the pictures were kind of bad, it's a really neat way to log your life.
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| whorganic. |
[21 Jan 2006|11:44am] |
|
So things are not so bad this month.
I've made a lot of changes at the beginning of the year and I really like how things are working out. I wouldn't call them resolutions or diets, just some lifestyle changes and adjustments. There is not a time limit or time frame that I'm giving myself to do this, I'm just doing this because I want to and I want to see how it works out for me. So far I really like it a lot. My brother is in this with me so it's a lot easier than most would think.
So far this year I have:
*Given up all fast food and non-ethnic restaurants.
(Including Subway and Taco Bell and fast food fries--this is a huge accomplishment for me. I ate out everyday for lunch at work. I am only eating out once a week for lunch at work, and maybe once on the weekend but only if it's at a Mediterranean, Indian, Japanese, or Vietnamese restaurant.)
*Stopped drinking sodas and non-organic/sweetened juices.
(I only drink BOTTLED water--tap water is gross for you. I'm having 1 or 2 organic sodas a week if I really want something else and unsweetened tea maybe once a week if I'm eating out. I think I have finally given up (regular) sodas for good. It's really bad for your insides and teeth. There's also a lot of speculation on the top soda industries regarding their business practices and involvement with advertising and selling in schools to youngsters. Watch "Supersize Me" or look into websites like killercoke.org if you don't know what I'm talking about. I haven't tried it yet because I'm mostly drinking water, but if I do want to buy juice, it will be only organic.
*Switched to about an 80% organic (non-gmo) diet--all vegan, of course.
(This includes all produce/fruits/vegetables, rice/pastas, legumes/beans/lentils, breads/tortillas, nuts, cereals, snacks, and even spices/cooking oil. If it were up to me, everything would be both organic AND non-gmo--but labels are tricky and we don't always know exactly what we're getting. Everything I cook myself is 100% organic. The 20% of non-organic I'm eating is from eating out or eating food/snacks from other countries that is not, of course, USDA organic. I trust this food not to be as genetically modified and not as full of chemicals and pesticides and hormones as American food. 20% non-organic doesn't mean I have vending machine or convenient store snacks/chips/granola bars/nuts 20% of the time. It means everything I buy is organic and sometimes I like to go out to eat (just like everyone else).
*Continued not to drink alcohol.
(It's almost been 3 months now. I'm over it. It's just a waste of money and it makes you chubbier and dumber. Even if you don't drink beer and do low-cal mixed drinks, you are still going to do the drunken pig-out at the end of the nite in most cases. Yes, I had some drinks of beer at Jake and Abel's a few weeks ago, but I only because I lost some bet or something and I didn't even finish it--or even like it. So that doesn't count, boys!)
*Quit refined/white sugar such as candy/gum, and artificial sweeteners.
(Most refined sugar is processed with animal bone char--it's used as a "filter" to remove color, impurities, and minerals. I know there is organic non-sugary stuff out there, but I haven't really looked into yet. Most gum is made with artificial sweeteners and phenylalanine. If you think that fake sugars such as aspartame/splenda are cool, I recommend that you do some googling. Especially if you're into the diet sodas. Or try Stevia instead.)
I don't like telling people what they should eat and why their food is bad for them. I don't mind sharing information about what I know if they ask. I'm not doing all of this to make myself suffer (as it's been suggested) or to see how long I can make myself do it. It's not necessarily a diet to lose weight--I have lost a few pounds and even though the scale does not necessarily reflect it, my clothes fit different and I feel a lot healthier. And I didn't write all this stuff to show how much cooler I am than you. I just wanted to share what I'm up to, have it logged for reference, and just write about something that I'm really interested in and excited about. If anyone is interested in knowing more about any of this, I'd love to brainwash you a little.
This entry was not intended to make you feel bad for what you eat and the choices you make. Nor am I trying to defend myself for my own lifestyle choices. I don't like to debate any of it. I'm not necessarily implying that this is the bestest or healthiest way to be. It's just right for me. Do your own research and learn about what you're putting in your body and how it's produced. Then make your own decisions :)
There is a very limited selection of organic food, especially in this city. It's a fast growing market (with all the chains just waiting to commercialize the heck out if and cash in on it), but right now there's not too much out there. However, I'm still eating everything I like and I am not really missing anything I had before. Organic food is a lot more expensive (I've heard all the debates from a lot of you who are probably reading this) but I feel that it is honestly worth it.
Yes, I'm furious and frustrated that I live in a country where I have to pay more for my food than everyone else because I want to eat food that does not come from animals or animal suffering or is not grown with pesticides in toxic soil or is not full of genetically modified chemicals. Yes, I'm growing bitter because of all the cute commercials all over tv that promote fast food, sodas, and "nutritious" snacks and juices. Okay, so maybe bitter is too harsh. I don't really take it that personal. Actually it's pretty laughable because I see through all the fast ones they are trying to pull just to try to get people to buy their junk. This is America, folks. And that's just the way things are done around here.
ps. I love the link that verenize sent me on my myspace comments--particularly the "Why Veg?" link. It's very simple and informative and I highly recommend it! info@farmusa.org
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